if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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