my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
