We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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