Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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