and she was petting her beer can
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
