it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
