True but thats because hes a fetus.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
