singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
