the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
