But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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