my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
