I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
