she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
