I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
