dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I need a beard to bite.
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