Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
