I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
