oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
lol hangovers are for mortals.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize