and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
