Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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