mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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