I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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