I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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