Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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