Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
