you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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