mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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