I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm passing your future prison.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
