just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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