so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
