I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
