Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
