you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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