Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
