It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
