oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
where am i from again
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
