Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No subtext here. People are naked.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
