it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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