Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have fence marks all over my body
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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