Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
