I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just invented taco cereal.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
