also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
