I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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