3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
