She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
