I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
