Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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