Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
