I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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