I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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