my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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