Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
