she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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