like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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