My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
