Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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