Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
