I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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