if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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