So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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