I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
