Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Who died my cat blue again?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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