i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just found puke in my bra..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
