i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
