i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
