just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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