oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
