Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
