So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
