hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
