I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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