wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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