Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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