Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize