we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
