i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
