I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
