I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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