Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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