if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You pole danced in your parka.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
